he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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