3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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