My nipple is on Facebook.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
