It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
