..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
