This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
