There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
