OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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