her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
