my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
