you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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