found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
