I wish I could punch you in the face.
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
