what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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