i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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