how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
