Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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