remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I need water and some morals
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
