No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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