I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
