Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
