Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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