worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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