i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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