The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
