I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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