you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
