Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
