i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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