Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
