her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
