lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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