Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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