And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
