spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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