If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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