My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
