I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize