Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
