So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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