i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.