After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
