I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
