I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
