i permit you to call me
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
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Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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