All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
