I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
