you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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