We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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