her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
