tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
