if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
