I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
