five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
