how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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