Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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