This is not my ceiling
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
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