Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
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I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
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I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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