I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
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