i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
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He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
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If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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