shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize