I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
