i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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