I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
jump out the window naked night went bad
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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