You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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