Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
