I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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