It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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