nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
